Occasional depression thread

[dan999ification]

my willow trees are gone

ive been harvesting wood from these trees for nearly five years, taking only what falls naturally.

Although the trees are brittle and dangerous it is sad to see nothing, just some woodchips.

 

Luckily i managed to salvage a few kilos from the wreck but it wont last long and my bp will never be the same again

 

dan.

[PyroCreationZ]

I'm depressed (and mostly angry) because I hate the EU and all their (new) laws

They are putting new laws in place which will prevent the legal sale of some chems (such as KClO₃, KClO₄, ...) in purities exceeding 40% to individuals.

 

Although I haven't been doing much pyro in the past year I did intend to pick back up the hobby in the (near) future.

Now it looks like the future of our hobby (for EU citizens at least) is going down the drain

 

One well known supplier in the EU already posted that they will stop selling the oxidizers by August 2014 and I assume the others will follow unless they want to risk their business by selling illegal.

 

Sigh... I hate what the world has come to with government trying to control everything. And I probably even more hate the terrorists and guys like Anders Breivik (Norwegian bomber) who are the cause for these new regulations/laws.

 

Anyone who wants to read about it can find it here:

http://eur-lex.europ...mdoc=32013R0098

 

I haven't read it completely yet (it's time for bed) but I already saw enough to understand EU suppliers will drop.

 

 

EDIT: one important quote from the supplier's website:

The possession and use by members of the general public of restricted explosives precursors is allowed until 2 March 2016. After this date every hobbyist becomes a criminal and potential terrorist!

 

Wow... so because one loves fireworks and makes a couple shells and rockets he will be seen as a terrorist?!

I'm depressed right now

Edited March 31, 2013 by PyroCreationZ

[WonderBoy]

Some random guy was having a much worse time than I was when I was out last night. So, he took it out on my by sucker punching me in the face when I started talking to him. I went to the doctor today, and turns out he broke my jaw. I'll have surgery tomorrow to reset my mandible and wire it together.

 

 

WB

[NightHawkInLight]

Well that sure sucks. Hope it goes well and you're not wired up long.

[WonderBoy]

Well, looks like I'll be wired shut for 4 weeks. Anyone have any favorite smoothie or blended food recipes?

 

 

WB

[Oinikis]

aww, sorry to hear that. mashed potatoes are quite delicous. if you want it to be more liquid add more milk.

 

here, it's still even sh*tloads of snow. at the night we got negative temperature, at the day positive, and snowy. it melts, and then freezes, so my garage doors gets traped by ice. and to reach my pyro everyday i need to break all the ice. also it's cold in the garage, so i have no place to dry my stuff. i miss summer (exept mosqitues). also it's cold, super slipery, wet, and nasty. my friend yesterday while walking slipped and fell into water-snow mix. then he got to hospital and now he has plaster on his leg. any bones are broken, but the leg is still damaged pretty bad. and it doesn't only slow things down and wastes your energy, it is depressing also. and i can't do outside sports, whitch i like. also bringing logs, and liting the fireplace annoyed me too.

[Bobosan]

Arggggggggghhhhh How does a major online bank forget to renew it's domain name?!?!?!? Somebody's head needs to roll!

[TheSidewinder]

Arggggggggghhhhh How does a major online bank forget to renew it's domain name?!?!?!? Somebody's head needs to roll!

 

Do you mean, besides stupidity?

[mathiasxx94]

My science teacher died today. He was the best man you can ever imagine. Rest in Peace

[BurritoBandito]

I'm extremely depressed, and just can't shake the feeling of impending doom. I am not a religious man, and normally wouldn't resort to these measures, but I seem to have exhausted every other resource I have, and am feeling pathetically desperate for help. To those of you out there who have a better relationship with God than I do, please pray for me. The details are personal, but the cause of my depression is an imminent life changing event. Sorry for the ambiguous sob story.

[nater]

Sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. Do your best to hang in there and know that even though many of us here have not met, we share interests and have your back. Holler if there is anything we can help with.

[ddewees]

I'm extremely depressed, and just can't shake the feeling of impending doom. I am not a religious man, and normally wouldn't resort to these measures, but I seem to have exhausted every other resource I have, and am feeling pathetically desperate for help. To those of you out there who have a better relationship with God than I do, please pray for me. The details are personal, but the cause of my depression is an imminent life changing event. Sorry for the ambiguous sob story.

[BurritoBandito]

Thank you guys.

[Shunt]

I do not know your present circumstances, but have read about what happened in the past. The past is the past.

 

A old man gave me some words of wisdom a long time ago I will never forget. He said " Son, if all you think about is what happened in the past, and worry about what will happen in the future, all you are doing is pissing away today".

 

Easy to say, hard to do sometimes I know. Put one foot in front of the other and carry on my friend as best you can. My best wishes and prayers are with you for what it is worth.

[BurritoBandito]

I'm okay with my past. My present/future is what concerns me. Your old man sounds like a pretty wise fella. Thank you Shunt. Edited May 19, 2015 by BurritoBandito

[Wolverine]

Winter snows killed my old barn, roof and loft are now on the first floor. Somewhere in there are my tools and chems.

[Maxim]

Thats a big loss.....But still, lets be happy!

[BurritoBandito]

Well, it's official now. My wife, and the mother of my two daughters left me. All signs point to an affair, but of course she denies it. For the last few weeks she's been very distant, dressing up before leaving the house, going out to shows "alone", and keeping her phone on her at all times. I tried very hard to work things out with her. I suggested counseling, she refused. I tried to talk things out with her, she just huffed and rolled her eyes. She would get mad at me for trying to discuss things with her, and I was not bring aggressive or accusing. Telling her that I love her (which I do) pissed her off. Bringing her flowers pissed her off. Hell, she even got mad at me for being depressed about all of this.

 

It sucks, because I've got some serious cognitive dissonance going on here. I love her, but I hate her for throwing in the towel on our marriage/family. I want to have her as my wife, because I really do love her, but I don't want to be with her now that she's shown her true colors. I am shocked by the way her personality just flipped over night. I'm disgusted by the fact that she is behaving the way that she is. It's so surreal that I keep expecting to wake up from a nightmare, but am aware that this is the cold hard reality of the situation.

 

The other day when I made my initial post in this thread, my 4 year old daughter told me that "mommy said we are going to go live at grandmas house". Iris, being an innocent child, assumed that I was included in that "we". When I confronted my wife about it she denied having said that. My daughter called her out "yes you did mommy, remember?". In attempts to cover her tracks Ashley (my ex wife) said "Iris, why would we do that? We have a house.", and Iris responded "You said it would be cool, remember?". My daughter does not lie to me, and she has no reason to have made that up.

 

Tonight my wife said that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. That she's unhappy with me, and that we need to decide what we're going to do about the girls. I can't stand the thought of not tucking my babies in at night, and know that in a divorce the woman gets the children >90% of the time. I also wouldn't want to separate my children from their mother, because in spite of how awful she's been to me, she is good to my girls. So I don't know what to do.

 

Right now, Ashley is laying here in bed beside me sleeping like a baby. She has absolutely no concern about the fact that our relationship is over. I'm awake trying to figure out what to do, and trying to sort out my emotions. I'm so fucking angry about this whole situation. I have a feeling that I'm likely to be spending some time in jail here in the near future, because when I find out who this other guy is I'm going to hurt him, bad. I'm generally pretty level headed, and understanding, but I'm so jaded by all of this that I can barely refrain from going out and doing something really stupid. How the hell can she do this to our family? She's being so selfish, and cold, and is being the polar opposite of the person she used to be. Damn it I resent her so much right now.

 

I've not done any pyro since my accident, and that's not because I haven't wanted to. I've actually had a bad itch to get back to it for a long while now, but Ashley was (understandably) against the idea of me making explosives. When she told me that she wasn't willing to try and work things out, I said that I will be resuming my hobby. Her response was "(eye roll) I don't care. Go blow yourself up." What kind of fucked up shit is that? I mean seriously, you've got to be a pretty god awful person to tell someone that. So the good news (albeit a very minor gain for my loss) is that I will be returning to manufacturing again. Bad news is that I don't know what's going to happen with regards to my daughters. I imagine I'm looking at having them for 2 days every other week, as is typical in divorce. That is far from acceptable to me. I don't want to spend a single night away from them.

 

This shit sucks so bad. I don't know what to do.

[mikeee]

Burrito,

 

Sorry to hear about your situation with your spouse, having children really complicates the issue.

This sort of thing is happening too often in our society these days, and it takes it's toll on everyone

in the family, the children are affected the most long term.

The smartest thing you can do is play it cool, so you don't loose your rights to your children.

I know you are feeling really bad right now, but a large number of us have gone through this same

situation and you will get through this, it just takes time.

Don't waste your time trying to figure out or understand what your wife is feeling or thinking.

There is very little logic that can be applied to the thought process of the actions she is taking.

You should focus your energy on your children and your own personal welfare and security.

You might want to consult with a lawyer to protect and secure your future with your kids.

 

This may sound like bad advice, but if you want her back, stop telling her how much you love her and

care for her. You would be better off making her jealous by ignoring her and pretending you don't

care. You need to play the same mental game she is playing, she knows that you will do anything she

wants you to do, if she loses that power over you she might want to regain that control. She would then need to play nice to gain any respect or affection from you. No-one knows what has prompted this behavior by your wife, sometimes they don't even know.

 

Your own personal security and the future of your children should be your main focus. Don't do anything that could jeopardize your own future or access to your children's.

 

For now, take it one day at a time, it will get better, it takes time.

Edited May 20, 2015 by mikeee

[ddewees]

There are attachments we make in life, even though it's all going to come to an end, that are worth so much, and we're so lucky to have been able to experience them.

[calebkessinger]

Here it is from a Recently divorced man.. 8 years ago.

 

File first. try to keep the kids, try to keep the house, YES you CAN get the kids but you HAVE to do it NOW, there is no place for complacency. This is WAR.

she is nice now. she won't ever do the things you hear of x wives doing.. this is what you are telling yourself.. IT's Bullshit !!!!

She Will do terrible things, She will keep the kids from you, She will be Bitter and angry with YOU even though SHE wants this.

 

KEEP THE KIDS AT ALL COSTS, YOU HAVE TO FILE FIRST AND YOU HAVE TO WANT IT. Get a good lawyer and use every dime of the money you have right now trying to make it happen.. you will lose all that money anyway!

 

Fight now, you have no chance later. You will have to learn to live with it, which is like living without an arm. at least at first. starting to get used to it now... yes, I'm remarried and have two more boys with a new girl coming here in less than a month. Guess what.. the x wife is still pissed I'm happy.

The world is FULL of women.. you can't force someone to love you, pick up and go on. The next one will look at you without contempt. and it's nice !!!

[BurritoBandito]

Mikeee,

Thank you for your input on the situation. You're right that there is no point in trying to understand her thoughts/actions, and conceptually I know that, but can't help but to wonder what happened to the woman I fell in love with. I did try giving her some space, and not telling her that I love her ect., but she made it very hard to keep that distance by approaching me, and reiterating everything, over and over again.

 

Ddewees,

Turns out that the only good thing that came from having this relationship is my children. I wouldn't trade that for the world. It just hurts so much. I know how pathetic I sound, but I'm just being honest. I loved my wife. I gave her my heart, and she stomped it into the ground. I'd have did anything for her.

 

Caleb,

My wife can't take the house, it's in my name. I'm no fool, and know better than to expect her to behave as an adult, but the chances of me getting full custody over the girls are slim to none. All it takes is for her to say I create an unsafe environment via explosives, and bring up my accident. Aside from that I wouldn't do that to my children. They love their mother. I appreciate the advice, but situations are different from person to person, and as much as I'd like to look out for my best interests, I have to put my children first. And you're right, there are tons of other women in this world, but I'm not looking for another woman. Again, I know it's pathetic, but I loved my wife, and am not prepared to move on.

 

 

I know it seems that I've got an excuse for everything, and maybe I am just making excuses. I don't know. It's just hard to think clearly in the midst of everything that is going on.

[ddewees]

Put DMT in her purse/car and then call the cops.

[ddewees]

I always find it strange how people blame the "other person" in these situations. You stated you thought she was "stepping out" on your relationship, then gave examples of her behavior that lead you to believe this...

 

You then went on to reveal your anger toward this other individual, yet didn't seem to feel the same way toward your wife.

 

Is this because:

 

You think she's weak and was taken advantage of?

 

You feel somewhat guilty for her behavior?

 

Or because you think it's likely someone you know personally, and they too have willingly hurt you?

 

This is all assuming your assumptions are correct.

 

I only ask because I'm just curious... It's really none of my business.

[BurritoBandito]

Well, I've aired my dirty laundry so to speak, you're not overstepping any boundaries here. It's nice to have someone to talk with, especially someone who doesn't know either of us in real life.

 

To answer your question, I am furious with my wife, but I am a man and would never behave violently towards a female. Perhaps it is someone I know. I can't say for sure, but the anger is there anyways. I won't pretend to understand her motives. Marriage is a two way street, so I am certainly partially to blame. With that said, I've tried doing everything in my power to work on a solution. I will accept some responsibility for the state of our relationship, but can not justify her behavior. An appropriate response to our problems would've been to try and talk to me. I don't KNOW that she's been unfaithful, but I strongly believe it to be true. There are just too many pieces of circumstantial evidence to dismiss the possibility simply because she denies it.