Ultimatum

[Cookieman]

Today I'm faced with the most important decision of my life and I hope that none of you guys have to make this choice.My wife and I have been married for 14 years with a 13 year old son.She told me to stop making fireworks or she'll leave me. I thought she was kidding but when she told my son, thats when it hit me.I'm thinking she already made up her mind and thats just an excuse.What would you guys do?

[firebird]

You left a bit out.

If you love your wife and your son the decision should be easy. Implementing the decision not so easy. But in the end you should try to come to some compromise. That is a tough one I say you better search your soul and make the right choice.

[dagabu]

First, I am sorry that this has happened.

 

Second, stop making fireworks. Ask a friend to hold all of your stuff until you are ready to go back to it.

 

Third, if you love her and you want to fight for it, go find a good marriage counselor, get her to go and get to the bottom of the issue.

 

I agree 100%, it is NEVER about what they say, women make up their minds and that's it.

 

If my wife gave me the ultimatum, I would be sending you my tooling on Monday.

 

My $.02

[Skycastlefish]

I'm sorry Cookieman. I agree with the others. Sell or have someone hold on to your stuff and put your energy into your family. If things still don't work out, you may be able to come back to the hobby. I don't know if you've read Richtees story about being raided by the alphabet soup guys, but he is no longer participating in the hobby, but he still graces us with his presence. I hope you can too.

[Cookieman]

I'm sorry Cookieman. I agree with the others. Sell or have someone hold on to your stuff and put your energy into your family. If things still don't work out, you may be able to come back to the hobby. I don't know if you've read Richtees story about being raided by the alphabet soup guys, but he is no longer participating in the hobby, but he still graces us with his presence. I hope you can too.

[Cookieman]

I feel really bad about this one because I already took everything out of my garage because it was making her uncomfortable and stashed all my shells at my shop well hidden but it seems she already made up her mind and that was an exuse.I offered to see a marriage counseller with her, but she told me it was to late.I might have to see a lawyer now.

[Algenco]

I hate to say it, but I think you're right, her mind seems to be made up.

 

If it doe's go bad you need to move all your stuff to a friends until it's over.

Women are ruthless in those situations

[Cookieman]

I hate to say it, but I think you're right, her mind seems to be made up.

 

If it doe's go bad you need to move all your stuff to a friends until it's over.

Women are ruthless in those situations

 

 

Not only are they ruthless, the law is in their favor. I have the right to remain silent and they have the right to the house and children.

[NightHawkInLight]

What a situation. I wish you the best.

 

Might I suggest now more than ever to remove every trace of fireworks material from your home and work area. The last thing you would need is your wife to have the authorities go through your home to show you were putting them in danger. Were that to happen and then lead to the discovery of a few scraps of compositions or stars that should have been in a magazine and you would have many more problems to deal with.

[Peret]

I'm sure this didn't come out of the blue. If that's the only issue between you, she must have been unhappy about the fireworks for a long time and you must not have been paying attention. However, it's hardly ever just one thing - women never say what they really mean and it's hard to blast the real reasons out of them, but 9 times out of 10 it's an imbalance between the time you spend on your own pursuits and the time you spend on her. My advice would be to do as she asks and stop making fireworks, and give her some serious attention like when you were first dating. On the nights when you would have been busy in the workshop, take her out instead. If it turns out the fireworks was just an excuse you'll know in a matter of weeks.

[Cookieman]

I'm sure this didn't come out of the blue. If that's the only issue between you, she must have been unhappy about the fireworks for a long time and you must not have been paying attention. However, it's hardly ever just one thing - women never say what they really mean and it's hard to blast the real reasons out of them, but 9 times out of 10 it's an imbalance between the time you spend on your own pursuits and the time you spend on her. My advice would be to do as she asks and stop making fireworks, and give her some serious attention like when you were first dating. On the nights when you would have been busy in the workshop, take her out instead. If it turns out the fireworks was just an excuse you'll know in a matter of weeks.

 

 

Yes your right, she told me that between the baking and the fireworks she felt alone and neglected.I guess my marriage needs some work.

[gutterspike]

Yes your right, she told me that between the baking and the fireworks she felt alone and neglected.I guess my marriage needs some work.

 

Its good to hear you've found the root of the problem, I would also reccommend 'David Deangelo' and freely subscribing to his newsletter, really opened my eyes to how Women see men.

 

Wishing you the best of luck.

[Peret]

Yes your right, she told me that between the baking and the fireworks she felt alone and neglected.I guess my marriage needs some work.

I've been there myself. A couple of years ago I nearly lost my own wife through inattention. Fortunately, she shares my interest in fireworks and I've developed an interest in taking her out dancing.

[Skycastlefish]

Fortunately, she shares my interest in fireworks

Are you kidding me! Thats the sort of thing I pray for, but seems to good to be true. I wish I could meet a girl who knows more about fireworks than me and could teach me things. I'm getting a chubby just thinking about it

[dagabu]

I bought my wife a real PGI shooters jacket for her birthday. She tells everyone with pride about it. She will build plastic balls shells and helps me teach classes too.

 

A real pyro-babe!

[Cookieman]

So it's official now we are separated.This is the hardest thing for me to face right now as my son has to decide who he wants to live with. At 47 hopefully I can find someone who will love me for who I am.

[dagabu]

Sorry Cookie, this sucks. Been through it twice, feel your pain.

[Cookieman]

Sorry Cookie, this sucks. Been through it twice, feel your pain.

 

 

Twice!! any children involved? well at least you found someone that shares your hobby and interest. Maybe I'll be lucky the second time around. I hope this doesn't get ugly as the lawyers will suck us dry.

[Algenco]

hate to hear this, try and settle as best you can without a lawyer.

My first Wife and I worked everything out, shared a Lawyer and got off cheap.

You best move all pyro stuff out, if a custody battle insues she and her lawyer will claim you create a dangerous enviroment for your son.

 

2nd time around is great, 30yrs next March

[dagabu]

Twice!! any children involved? well at least you found someone that shares your hobby and interest. Maybe I'll be lucky the second time around. I hope this doesn't get ugly as the lawyers will suck us dry.

 

I second Algenco, Get the pyro out TODAY! Be reasonable, if you fight with her, you will end up with similar results as if you made accommodations and give a little.

 

Yes, I got married the first time and had two kids with her. She married me to get away from her family, she went from one trap to another and abandoned me and the kids. She appeared 10 years later and wanted to be mom again. She lost that one.

 

I got remarried 5 years later to a drunk. We got a divorce via a paralegal and it cost us around $300.00 each. We also had two kids and we share them 50/50. No out of pocket.

 

I got married again 8 years ago and I prayed for her and God delivered (save the hacking on me for my beliefs, allow me to have my faith please) her to me and I to her. Its been wonderful, we do not argue, she is a lot like me and she is strong.

 

You are missing something here, what is the reason she wants out? For men its about respect, for women, its love and affection. I buy my wife flowers and take her to places she wants to go to. I HATE dancing but I dance with her because it is what she wants. She does pyro because it is what I want.

 

Last thing:

 

I NEVER put myself before her. When she comes home from work, I leave the shop and greet her. I put her first, even over the kids.

 

We are not perfect, not by a long shot but she has my back and I have hers.

[Algenco]

good points, I set a goal to get a laugh from my Wife every day, nearly 30 yrs and I haven't missed 1 day.

All that is is making certain you give her attention everyday, no matter if you feel up to it or not.

During her battle with cancer it became very tough to keep smiling and get that laugh, but I did it, somedays I would go in another room so she wouldn't see the tears.

[Cookieman]

I second Algenco, Get the pyro out TODAY! Be reasonable, if you fight with her, you will end up with similar results as if you made accommodations and give a little.

 

Yes, I got married the first time and had two kids with her. She married me to get away from her family, she went from one trap to another and abandoned me and the kids. She appeared 10 years later and wanted to be mom again. She lost that one.

 

I got remarried 5 years later to a drunk. We got a divorce via a paralegal and it cost us around $300.00 each. We also had two kids and we share them 50/50. No out of pocket.

 

I got married again 8 years ago and I prayed for her and God delivered (save the hacking on me for my beliefs, allow me to have my faith please) her to me and I to her. Its been wonderful, we do not argue, she is a lot like me and she is strong.

 

You are missing something here, what is the reason she wants out? For men its about respect, for women, its love and affection. I buy my wife flowers and take her to places she wants to go to. I HATE dancing but I dance with her because it is what she wants. She does pyro because it is what I want.

 

Last thing:

 

I NEVER put myself before her. When she comes home from work, I leave the shop and greet her. I put her first, even over the kids.

 

We are not perfect, not by a long shot but she has my back and I have hers.

 

That was my biggest mistake, putting my needs before hers. I guess that comes from experience.When she told me she was uncomfortable around fireworks and chems. I should have listened. I gotta hand it to you Rocketman, you got alot of experience in life. I should have payed more attention to the signs of neglect.

[Cookieman]

hate to hear this, try and settle as best you can without a lawyer.

My first Wife and I worked everything out, shared a Lawyer and got off cheap.

You best move all pyro stuff out, if a custody battle insues she and her lawyer will claim you create a dangerous enviroment for your son.

 

2nd time around is great, 30yrs next March

 

 

Glad to hear it Algenco, I will move my shells and chems. to another location.It's funny you should say that, a couple of days ago I deam't of cops chasing me.

[Algenco]

Glad to hear it Algenco, I will move my shells and chems. to another location.It's funny you should say that, a couple of days ago I deam't of cops chasing me.

 

 

that wasn't a dream, take it as a warning

[dagabu]

Today Cookie, today.

 

"There is no fury like a woman scorned"